dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
