my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
