I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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