I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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