I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
