My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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