My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
