I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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