I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
