I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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