My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
