2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
