I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
