No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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