You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Of course I have a pirate flag
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
