I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
now i know why i became what i already was.
love makes seman taste better
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dick very happy bro
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
