It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Randomize