I just made out with a guy for $7.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No subtext here. People are naked.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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