I just cut my nipple shaving
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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