barbara walters just said penis...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
