I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
