we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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