I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
