I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize