my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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