seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
