I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I fill condoms, not promises.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
