Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
