i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
