i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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