Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
