Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
