"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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