you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
love makes seman taste better
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
