I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
