One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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