the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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