For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
