I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
