My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
