I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've blown a few things in my day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
