a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
