Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
