sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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