I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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