you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
