If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Shame - the story of my life.
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