Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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