We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
