it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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