Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
