You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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