dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
