I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
