OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is the high leading the old right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
