Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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