my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
don't judge my taste in strippers
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
