I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
