I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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