Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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