I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
