my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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