There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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