So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
