she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
