found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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