I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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