Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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