What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
