a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
