Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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