she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
