We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
