I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
