Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
