Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
