if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
