there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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