When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
