she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
