she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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