Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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