My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How many fucks given?
0.12846
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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