How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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