My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
