I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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