like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
