the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
