my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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