I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
