Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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