I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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